Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Red Shoes - Luanne Edition

Today while browsing Ebay (yes, I browse Ebay and sometimes I put my name in the search thingy). Usually books by Luanne Rice show up, but today these little gems appeared.  Their official listing is:  JEFFREY CAMPBELL Luanne Red Suede BOW Wedge Platform T-bar Shoes NEW sz 9.5.  And while I would be flattered if Jeffrey really was inspired by me and designed these just for me, I have to say it isn't true.  And here's why ...

1.  Sure, they are in my favorite color, red, and are in my correct size - more or less (that means I could get my foot inside them).  But that's where the marriage of design and actual person divorces.

2.  First of all, there appears to be no heel-age in these shoes.  And while I know Lady GaGa lurves her heel-less shoes, I do not understand them.  Nor would my wonky ankles.  And I'm not sure that attempting to ambulate in these pumps while using walking sticks would give the impression that Jeffrey is after.

3.  Secondly, the incline on these shoes looks very steep.  If I had my protractor handy (I think I left it in my 7th grade locker), I could give you an exact answer.  But using what little common sense I possess, I can tell you that it's too steep for my ankles.  Again, the amount of KT tape and ankle braces that would be required for me to even attempt to stand on these monstrosities would negate the artistic aspect that Jeff is after.

4.  Thirdly, these shoes look high.  Like stilt walker high.  I don't do high shoes.  Mainly because my ankles prefer being close to the ground.  And if the shoe is too high, my ankles retaliate by twisting and turning until not only are my ankles close to the ground, but so is my whole body.  As in I fall down.

5.  Finally, I don't do shoes with bows on them.  At least not since my tap shoes when I was five years old. And certainly at my age, I don't think the bow-age will help the scene once I am sprawled out on the ground.

So, thanks Jeffrey for the shoutout.  While I know my dainty gait and ladylike demeanor probably inspired you to create these little bits of beauty, they just aren't for me.  But if you have some extra bows in the warehouse, I'll be sure to glue them to my flip flops!!
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Today was a great day because: seeing KB and KP; dinner at Stoney River with Marilyn and Molly; Marilyn and Molly's margarita bucket discussion

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