The Top Ten Reasons
I Rarely Ride Roller Coasters
10. They defy gravity. I was brought up to defy no one.
9. There's a lot of screaming involved. I need to preserve my voice, should my opera career take off.
8. There are usually seat belts involved. This is rarely a good sign for anything, including when I am driving a car.
7. You can lose things. My sister lost our look-alike Disney hats on one. Wonder if that was on purpose.
6. There are slow going-up hills followed by fast going-down hills. Can't we just maintain a steady pace both ways?
5. Some roller coasters go upside down and spin around. Now this is just unnatural. I'm sure my stomach and its contents would agree.
4. There are front seats. And back seats. I don't like the front because when you go over that big hill, there's nothing underneath you. I don't like the back seats because if I wanted to get slammed around, I'd go for the bumper cars.
3. They're designing them to go faster and faster. Why is the federal speed limit not enforced? I smell anarchy, people!!
2. Some are in the dark. I'd rather the paramedics find me when I have my heart palpitations.
1. There's always Dumbo and the merry-go-round if I want excitement!
I Rarely Ride Roller Coasters
10. They defy gravity. I was brought up to defy no one.
9. There's a lot of screaming involved. I need to preserve my voice, should my opera career take off.
8. There are usually seat belts involved. This is rarely a good sign for anything, including when I am driving a car.
7. You can lose things. My sister lost our look-alike Disney hats on one. Wonder if that was on purpose.
6. There are slow going-up hills followed by fast going-down hills. Can't we just maintain a steady pace both ways?
5. Some roller coasters go upside down and spin around. Now this is just unnatural. I'm sure my stomach and its contents would agree.
4. There are front seats. And back seats. I don't like the front because when you go over that big hill, there's nothing underneath you. I don't like the back seats because if I wanted to get slammed around, I'd go for the bumper cars.
3. They're designing them to go faster and faster. Why is the federal speed limit not enforced? I smell anarchy, people!!
2. Some are in the dark. I'd rather the paramedics find me when I have my heart palpitations.
1. There's always Dumbo and the merry-go-round if I want excitement!
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